Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
is that a dick in a sweater?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
