i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
