wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
