I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
