Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
