this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
