dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
