i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
