it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
