he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
there is glitter all over my balls
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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