Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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