We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
