I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
