I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
