what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
