Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
