Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
