If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
