My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
