I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
