I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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