I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
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