If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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