do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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