Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
