Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
