I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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