I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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