there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
