let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
