4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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