He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
