Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
