He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dicks are not precious.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
