dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
