Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my shit smells like andre
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
