It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Be still, my beating vagina.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Watching her eat just hurts me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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