I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
