i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
