I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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