hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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