It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
