i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be naked everywhere
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize