the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
