apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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