i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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