Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
