The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
