I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
