roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
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We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
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Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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