I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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