3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
