So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
