Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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