another moral hangover. fuck.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
