he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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