i just made my gag reflex go away.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
