If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
