I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
