Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just tell him i said nine months
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
