If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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