There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
