we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My ass is underappreciated
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
