Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
