you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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