I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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