Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
