I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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