and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
