it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
