He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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