WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
