my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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